This is not to get confused : These tears aren't mine. I borrowed it.

I'm getting tired always running after the wind.

Dear Julian,

« People get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We're always thinking that some day we'll be happy. When we'll get that car, or that job, or that person in our lives that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood, not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry, it's not permanent. It comes and goes and that's okay. It's okay to be a little miserable every now and then, even when we have great things in our life. If people thought of it that way, they'd find happiness a lot more often. »

One Tree Hill

But Happiness is a word. Only 8 letters ruling our life. A concept. Can a song make you happy ? Can a guitar riff create an instant moment of happiness ? How can we explain the smile that gets on our face when we see that special person ? Not even talking to her. Just seeing. Briefly. Catching a shadow. 

I try to think that happiness is a mood and not a destination. I'm trying really hard. I swear, Julian. I get that it's okay to feel a little down sometimes. Afterall, you said it : it's not permanent. But then, why do I feel so lost again ? And don't tell me it'll past. It just doesn't. It comes and goes. Again and again. It's a mean circle. I feel like losing things, Julian. Losing some friends. Desperately trying to hold what we have back. Obviously it's not working. Losing my innocence. Losing faith. I used to believe in thing, you know. I used to defend causes, Julian. It seems my world is turning up side down, and I can not move. I sit there, pushed aside, and watching things going by. Motionless. Hopefully, you're somewhere out there, putting things to their places. Right where they belong. You're the guide, Julian. Holding hands. Marching throughout the town. Listening to some shitty songs. Laughing all the way down. Sharing cosy moments. Being part of every little funny situations.Therefore I'm happy.

You're right, Julian. Happiness is a mood not a destination. I can see it pretty clearly now. Well, it's still difficult sometimes. But you're there. Somewhere out there. I know that somewhere in this wild wide universe, someone will always get me. I know it, Julian.

Happiness is my mood, you're the destination.